Family is the cornerstone of society in Islam. The Quran and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ place immense emphasis on treating parents with kindness and maintaining ties of kinship. These are not mere recommendations but divine commands that shape a Muslim’s character and social responsibility. This article explores the Islamic adab (manners) in family relations, focusing on the rights of parents and the obligation of silat ar-rahim (maintaining kinship ties).
The Rights of Parents in Islam: A Divine Command
Islam elevates the status of parents to a level unmatched by any other human relationship. Allah says in the Quran: « Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. » (Surah Al-Israa, verse 23). This verse directly links worshipping Allah with being kind to parents, showing that honoring them is an act of worship.
Similarly, in Surah An-Nisaa, Allah commands: « Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;- » (Surah An-Nisaa, verse 36). Here, doing good to parents is listed immediately after the command to worship Allah alone, emphasizing its priority.
The obligation to be good to parents is not conditional on their faith or behavior. Even if parents strive to make their child associate partners with Allah, the child must still treat them kindly, as stated in Surah Al-Ankaboot: « We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did. » (Surah Al-Ankaboot, verse 8). This balance between kindness and not obeying in sin is a hallmark of Islamic ethics.
The Mother’s Special Status
The Prophet ﷺ emphasized the mother’s right repeatedly. In a famous hadith, Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man asked: « O Messenger of Allah, who is the most entitled among people to my good companionship? » He said: « Your mother. » The man said: « Who next? » He said: « Your mother. » The man asked again: « Who next? » He replied: « Your mother. » The man further said: « Who next? » He said: « Your father. » (Narrated by Muslim). This shows that the mother has three times the right of the father when it comes to good companionship and care.
Another hadith reinforces this: Bahz ibn Hakīm reported from his father from his grandfather that he said: I said: O Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful? he said: « Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the next in nearness and so on. » (Narrated by Abu Daoud, At-Termedhy, and Ahmad). The repetition underscores the immense responsibility towards one’s mother, recognizing her sacrifices in pregnancy, childbirth, and upbringing.
Kindness Even After Death
Dutifulness to parents does not end with their death. The Prophet ﷺ taught that maintaining ties with those whom one’s father loved is a form of continued respect. In a hadith, ‘Abdullāh ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) gave a donkey and a turban to a Bedouin simply because his father was a friend of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattāb. He said: « I heard the Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) say: ‘The finest form of dutifulness is maintaining relations with those whom one’s father loved.’ » (Narrated by Muslim). This teaches us to honor our parents by keeping connections with their friends and loved ones.
Maintaining Kinship Ties (Silat ar-Rahim): A Path to Blessings
Silat ar-rahim, or maintaining family ties, is a fundamental Islamic duty. The Prophet ﷺ said: « Whoever loves to have his sustenance expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain his kinship ties. » (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim). This hadith connects family relations directly to material blessings and longevity.
In another narration, Abu Sufyān reported that Heraclius asked about the Prophet’s teachings, and he said: « He tells us to worship Allah alone, not to associate anything with Him and to give up all that our ancestors said. He also commands us to perform prayers, adhere to truthfulness, be chaste, and maintain ties of kinship. » (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim). This shows that maintaining kinship ties was a core part of the Prophet’s message.
The Quran also commands kindness to relatives. In Surah An-Nisaa, Allah says: « Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need… » (Surah An-Nisaa, verse 36). Kinsfolk are mentioned right after parents, highlighting their importance.
Practical Ways to Maintain Kinship Ties
Silat ar-rahim can take many forms: visiting relatives, calling them, helping them in need, sharing gifts, or even a simple smile and greeting. The key is consistency and sincerity. Even if relatives are distant or unkind, a Muslim is encouraged to initiate contact, as cutting ties is a major sin. The Prophet ﷺ said: « The one who severs ties of kinship will not enter Paradise. » (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim).
If you are unsure about the names or relationships of extended family, you can use the Muslim names feature on Al Muslim Plus to learn about common family names and their meanings, which may help in reconnecting with relatives.
The Importance of Daughters in the Family
Islam particularly encourages kindness to daughters. The Prophet ﷺ said: « Whoever takes care of daughters and treats them kindly, they will be a screen for him from Hellfire. » (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim). This hadith highlights the immense reward for raising daughters with love and care. In a society that sometimes undervalues girls, this teaching restores their dignity and emphasizes their role in the family.
Balancing Family Duties with Other Obligations
Sometimes, Muslims wonder whether they should prioritize family over other good deeds, such as immigration or jihad. The Prophet ﷺ gave clear guidance. In a hadith, a man came to the Prophet seeking permission to fight in Allah’s cause. The Prophet asked: « Are your parents alive? » He said: ‘Yes.’ The Prophet said: « Then strive in serving them. » (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim). This shows that serving one’s parents takes precedence over voluntary acts of worship or even jihad, unless the jihad is obligatory.
Similarly, when a man asked about accompanying his parents, the Prophet replied: « Then return to your parents and accompany them in a best way. » (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim). This teaches that family responsibilities are not obstacles to spirituality; rather, they are part of it.
To help you balance your daily prayers and family time, you can use the prayer times feature on Al Muslim Plus to set reminders and plan your day around salah while still fulfilling family obligations.
When Parents Are Unjust or Non-Muslim
Islam does not require blind obedience to parents if they command something sinful. However, even in such cases, kindness is mandatory. As mentioned earlier, Allah says: « We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. » (Surah Al-Ankaboot, verse 8). A Muslim must respectfully refuse to commit shirk or sin, but continue to treat parents with honor.
If you face difficult family situations, you can seek guidance through the Islamic AI feature on Al Muslim Plus, which provides answers based on Quran and Sunnah.
The Role of Family in Islamic Will and Inheritance
Islam has detailed rules for inheritance to ensure family members receive their due rights. Allah says: « It is prescribed, when death approaches any of you, if he leave any goods that he make a bequest to parents and next of kin, according to reasonable usage; this is due from the Allah-fearing. » (Surah Al-Baqara, verse 180). This verse encourages making a will for parents and relatives, even before the detailed inheritance laws were revealed.
Today, Muslims can use the Islamic inheritance calculator on Al Muslim Plus to accurately distribute assets according to Faraid rules. This tool helps fulfill family obligations and avoid disputes.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the rights of parents in Islam?
Parents have the right to be treated with kindness, respect, and honor. They should never be spoken to harshly, and their needs should be met. Even if they are non-Muslim, they must be treated kindly, though not obeyed in sin.
How can I maintain kinship ties if my relatives are distant or hostile?
Maintaining ties does not require reciprocation. You can call, visit, or send gifts. The Prophet ﷺ said that the one who maintains ties even when others cut them off is the best. Consistency and sincerity matter most.
Is it obligatory to obey parents in everything?
Obeying parents is obligatory as long as they do not command something sinful. If they ask you to commit shirk or a sin, you must not obey, but you must still treat them with kindness and respect.
What is the reward for maintaining kinship ties?
The Prophet ﷺ said that maintaining kinship ties increases sustenance and prolongs life. It is also a means to enter Paradise and avoid the punishment of severing ties.
Can I prioritize jihad over serving my parents?
If jihad is not obligatory on you personally, serving your parents takes precedence. The Prophet ﷺ told a man to return to his parents and serve them instead of fighting.
How should I treat my mother compared to my father?
The mother has a higher right to good companionship and care. The Prophet ﷺ emphasized the mother three times before the father. However, both parents must be honored.
What does Islam say about cutting ties of kinship?
Cutting ties of kinship is a major sin. The Prophet ﷺ said that the one who severs ties will not enter Paradise. It is obligatory to maintain contact even if it is minimal.
How can I calculate inheritance according to Islamic law?
You can use the Islamic inheritance calculator on Al Muslim Plus, which distributes shares according to Faraid rules based on the Quran and Sunnah.
In conclusion, Islamic adab in family relations is a comprehensive system that ensures respect, love, and justice. Honoring parents and maintaining kinship ties are not only duties but also sources of immense blessings in this life and the Hereafter. By applying these teachings, we strengthen our families and communities. To deepen your understanding and practice, explore the tools and resources available on Al Muslim Plus. May Allah guide us to be dutiful children and caring relatives.
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Sources vérifiées
Citations recoupées mot pour mot avec le corpus canonique (Coran / hadiths).
- Sourate Al-Israa, verset 23
- Sourate An-Nisaa, verset 36
- Sourate Al-Baqara, verset 180
- Sourate Al-Ankaboot, verset 8
- Hadith n°3493 (Narrated by Muslim) — grade : Authentic hadith
- Hadith n°3260 (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim) — grade : Authentic hadith
- Hadith n°58188 (Narrated by Abu Daoud & At-Termedhy & Ahmad) — grade : Good hadith
- Hadith n°4182 (Narrated by Muslim – Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim) — grade : Authentic hadith
- Hadith n°3358 (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim) — grade : Authentic hadith
- Hadith n°3154 (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim) — grade : Authentic hadith
- Hadith n°5372 (Narrated by Bukhari & Muslim) — grade : Authentic hadith